You Go, Girls!

I'm not much for holiday-ish posts because, quite frankly, I don't post very regularly anyway. So I guess it's somewhat ironic that I'm posting a holiday-ish post on a pseudo-holiday: "Sadie Hawkins Day." If you don't know anything about this role-reversal idea, you can click on the link above for an overview of its history. The basic idea is what I'm writing about, though--girls pursuing guys. Or at least showing interest in them.

I want to encourage the young, unmarried women in my life to feel free to step out and make it clear you're looking for a romantic relationship, if in fact, you're at an age and maturity level to pursue a marriage-bound relationship. (For now, we won't get into what I think that means.) 

I want to tell you a little bit about my thinking and my real-life "love story." If you know me at all, you likely know I've been happily married for nearly 6 years, now, and Jonathan and I have two adorable little boys. That also means that I was single until age 28, though, and I'd likely still be single if I were the type to sit around and wait for God to drop him in my lap! Not that being single for life is necessarily a bad thing, but if that's not what you want, I just want you to realize that it's okay to go after your dreams!

For those of you who don't know, we actually met on a Christian "dating" site called "Christian Cafe" (the link takes you to their site). Despite the constant jokes we make about "not being able to trust anything you find online" and "you get what you pay for" (I was only on a free trial--Jonathan had a paid membership!), I really think that how we met is great for the thinking person, for several reasons:

• You have the chance to find out what the other person believes and to see if you're philosophically compatible before physical attraction and all those related goopy emotions can get in the way.
• You literally have to learn to communicate with one another because basically, that's all you have.
• You don't run as much of a risk of "wasting time" building a relationship with a guy who isn't interested in more than "hanging out" since travel is often required for an in-person meeting.

Like anything else, you need to be cautious because, like my dad mentioned to me, all you know about a person you meet that way is what they tell you. You do need to check up on that.

For those of you set on waiting for a guy to make the first move or waiting for God to literally drop him in your lap, I wonder if you feel the same way about a degree program or career. Did you wait for those to come to you, or did you get out there and pursue what you desired? Just sayin'.

Here's how it worked for me. When I went on Christian Cafe, there were about 3,000 guys. When I narrowed the search to "Baptists" and those who don't drink or smoke and were within a few years of my age (and taller than I am, and maybe a few more qualifiers), the field narrowed to 30. Two of those guys were in the church I was attending at the time (that was a little awkward). I messaged several of them and asked them to tell me what they liked most about their church. (Not very romantic, I know!)

My Jonathan replied to that message in a very thoughtful way, and thus began our first weeks of dialogue (or grilling each other, however you want to term it!). He was a youth pastor in Oregon at the time, and I was teaching at a Christian school in Michigan. We had both attended Bob Jones University for 3 1/2 of the same years, but we'd never met. (We're still finding out about mutual friends and acquaintances--crazy!) Our first phone conversation was in April 2005, he flew out to meet me in June, and I flew to Oregon in August, which is when he officially proposed. We were married in March 2006.

Nearly six years later, I'd consider us one of the many on-line love success stories! God has taken us up and down some windy roads, but we're thankful to have each other and, of course, our two little balls of energy!

I'll tell more of our story in another post, but the main point of this one is to encourage those single Christian girls out there to feel free to make a move, today on Sadie Hawkins Day, or any day!

Our Home Sweet Parsonage--A Pictorial (& Video) Tour

Well, I figured that if I kept waiting until everything was completely decorated and how I want it, I'd be waiting until my hair's completely gray (and no, I don't have ANY . . . yet!), so I settled for doing this when it was at least clean.

It's been just over a month since we moved here to Linesville, and we absolutely love it here! After getting completely out of boxes in just a few days, some minor illnesses and just plain L-I-F-E has gotten in the way of my big plans of getting completely settled in within a week. You'd think we'd have this whole moving thing down to a science by now, but the whole moving-out-of-state deal comes with some extra challenges like new bank accounts, insurance, drivers' licenses, etc., etc., etc. Oh, well.

We absolutely love our new church family and have had so many opportunities for fellowship with them, starting the day we moved here. We had 3 or 4 different offers for people to watch our boys during while the big stuff was coming in, and after I dropped them off at another home, I came "home" to about a gazillion (okay, maybe just a couple dozen, but still!) helpers that had already unloaded the majority of our belongings. They even helped set up and make our bed and unpack about half my kitchen. They'd burned a lot of boxes before we left to go down the road to the church for a fabulous dinner prepared by others in the church.

I must admit: It was a little odd having people whose names I didn't remember (and had met only once or twice, in the past couple months) asking me where to put furniture pieces in a house I'd briefly toured in late November, but hey!

Without further adieu, here's the grand tour of the first floor:

When you come in the front-ish side door (there is a front door, but there's no real access to it--weird, I know), you come in through (drum roll, please!) the coveted spacious mud room!

If you were visiting in person, you could sit down and take off your shoes or boots (depending on the day of the week or time of day, this crazy winter!) and then hang up your coat on either the wall-mounted rack behind the door, to your right, or on the rod to your left. Either way, you'd then want to follow that well-placed carpet remnant to your left to what was once the side door.

Once you walked through it, your view would be something like this one, with the arched doorway slightly to the right of being directly in front of you:

Don't you just love the white trim and chair rail against the tan walls?! We do! And note the berry swag you can barely see above the arched doorway--I just had to put in that Pennsylvania touch--along with candles in my windows, of course!

The window-type opening above our extra-long sofa leads to the kitchen, so it's a semi-open layout. (And yes, I know that there's a hole in my photo arrangement--like I said, I'm not done yet!) By the way, to the right of that incompletely decorated wall is the door to the pastor's study.

(As a side note, we are adjusting to his working from home again, never mind the first-shift-ish and somewhat flexible schedule--there are both positives and negatives to all of that. It's especially hard for the boys to understand that when Daddy comes out to get a cup of coffee or something, he's not really home. One way we've tried to explain it to them is to tell Caleb that the play room is his office. I love it when he tells me he's working in his office! lol Then, today, he told me that the kitchen was my office. How cute is that?!)

Moving on, if you were to look to the right of the door to the study, here's what you'd see:

If you stood in front of the door to Jonathan's study, here's the view as yo look a little to your right (just past the arched doorway you saw before):

In the top right corner, you can see our nonfunctional front door in front of which is the staircase to the upstairs, which includes three bedrooms (two of which are very spacious!) and a large full bath that includes a ton of storage. (Maybe I'll give you a tour of that sometime next month. . . . if there's any interest.)

Standing at the same spot, here's what you'd see if you looked a little to your left:

You can see the (second) door you came in, there to your left. And sure, it's a little quirky to have a window to my mud room, but that's obviously where the house once ended. Besides, window treatments are in the works, and I just love having that informal but highly functional entryway!

Might I point up our new electric fireplace? It's my Valentine's Day/Anniversary/Mother's Day/probably a few other holidays gift from my man! Ain't he the greatest?! We had the TV on the bookshelf you already saw, until we bought that last week, and now the pictures need to be rehung because they don't look quite right, but that's okay!

Okay, back to the tour. If you turn to your right and walk through the arched doorway, turn to your right, and you'll be in my kitchen! It's not huge, but it's not tiny, either, and there's plenty of cabinet space--woo hoo!

Past that is our dining area. It's a little too white for my taste and the valances were here when we came but don't quite match my not-yet-hung decor, but alas . . . these things do take time! Anyhow, if you were to walk through the doorway and look to your left, this is what you'd see:

Walk along the counter on the left and look back the other way, and here's the view:

If we moved the buffet, we'd have room to use all four leaves to extend our table for plenty of guests. By the way, that back door is functional, and it leads to a small cement landing with a few stairs to the spacious, evergreen-shaded back yard.

Why don't you walk over to the side window (the one not along the same wall as the back door) and look out. Here's what you might see (depending on the day, this odd-ball winter):

Yes, there is a creek and plently of wooded space out back--such a great place for two boys to explore as they grow up! Now, jump back in the window, and turn toward the kitchen, and you'll see one of my favorite spots inside the house:

I must give credit to Jonathan for this brain child--if we hadn't used this little nook as a coffee corner, I'm sure it would be wasted space--speaking of space, this place has TONS of storage, like the cabinets placed below the coffee pot!

Back through the kitchen, I must point up a feature I just love--no, not the old-fashioned phone--the pantry! I've never had one of these before, and I just love having the extra space to stock up on food. Our church family did a pretty good job of getting us started out with plenty of canned goods and some easy meals, so some of those are still in there, too.

Okay, going back to the living room, when you came through the arched doorway, you turned right to come into my kitchen. If you'd gone straight, you'd go into a small full bathroom (sorry, no pics--it is clean, though!).

If you looked to your left, you'd see our basement door (it's unfinished and has a low ceiling, but we're grateful for the storage space and washer and dryer down there). Like all the interior doors downstairs, the door to the basement has a fabulous vintage doorknob with a (working) keyhole you can peek through, like this one:

To the left, just past the basement door, is the door to my favorite place in the whole house--the play room! (Originally, this was one of two bedrooms in the house--so glad they added on!) But we'll save those pics for another post. For now, you'll have to settle for the sneak peak in this very amateurish, completely unedited 4-minute video tour linked here.

Thanks for popping over to see our new home. We're very grateful to the Lord for providing it and to Calvary Baptist Church of Linesville for all the hard work they've put in to keeping it up for nearly 6 years without a pastor to live in it.

Hope you'll visit in person sometime, friends! Just give me about an hour's notice, and I'll even feed you. :)

O Little Town of Linesville--4 Wagner Move FAQs

Okay, I know this post title would have been a bit more apropos if I had written it on Christmas Day, but you still get the idea! I'm not sure if anyone reads my blog who isn't a friend of mine on Facebook, but just in case the news has somehow escaped you, the afore-mentioned angst had a happy ending for us Sunday: Jonathan was voted in as pastor of Calvary Baptist Church in Linesville, Pennsylvania, Christmas Day!

1.Where is Linesville?

Contrary to my joked-about mistaken Facebook post, Linesville is in Pennsylvania, not Ohio; however, it does border Ohio. It's also about 45 minutes south of Erie, Pennsylvania, which is on Lake Erie, so it's pretty much in the far Northwestern corner of the state, as you can see in the Google Maps view linked here. It's only 80 miles from Cleveland, Ohio, and slightly further from Pittsburgh. Its population is just over 1,000, similar to Gillett, the town where Jonathan formerly pastored.

Jonathan grew up in Quarryville, Pennsylvania, which is in Southern Lancaster County; that is where his parents and both brothers and their families still live. I can't get the map link to work right, but it's basically in the opposite corner of the state; it's about a 6-hour drive. (We'll be about 10 hours from Madison, which is where my parents live.)

2.Why are you excited to go there?

Well, you might like to visit us to see Pennsylvania's second-most-visited tourist attraction, but we're not moving to Linesville to find out if the ducks really do walk on the fish. Jonathan is excited to again fulfill his life's calling as a pastor, preaching and teaching God's Word and serving those within the church and the Linesville community.

When we set out for our second visit to the church, I have to admit that my focus was on getting out of this transition time and into a more permanent home and routine. However, during that visit, we truly began forming relationships with people and desiring to go in order to serve them, not just because we liked it there (which we actually do!). The church itself has about 100 people, including a balanced range of age groups and many children.

(Random fun fact: With our family's move, we'll help even out the gender imbalance among the children in two churches. Here at Calvary Bible Fellowship in Madison, there are far more boys than girls. At Calvary Baptist Church in Linesville, there are currently many more girls than boys--I think I counted 14 out of 20 in their Christmas program!)

3. Where will you be living?

We'll be living in the church's parsonage, which is located about a mile from the church. Both are outside of town, but they are not on adjacent property. The house is a 2-story home with an unfinished basement and a small, unattached garage. It sits on 5 acres, most of which are wooded. It has 4 spacious bedrooms, 2 full baths, and the pastor's study. One of the bedrooms is on the main floor, and we plan to use it as a play room/guest room. (So if you're in the area or feel like taking a road trip, please do come visit--we will certainly have room for you!)

I don't remember many details except that it does have a dishwasher (something I've been without since our August move) and a really nice-sized mud room (something I've always dreamed of having!). We didn't have much time to look around at it, and taking pictures or measurements seemed like it would come across as presumptuous, so we didn't. Now, I really wish we had! Oh, well. I (kind of) like surprises!

4. When are you actually moving?

The big move, our third/fourth in 19 months, is scheduled for January 15-16. At the time of this posting, we have a meager 2.5 weeks! Yikes! So what in the world am I doing blogging? Good question! Well, actually, I feel like I kept things pretty organized since we moved here in August, and many, many boxes remain unpacked. Besides that, we've practically become pros at this whole moving thing. Besides, you probably already know that I'm a little crazy about this whole writing thing--in some ways, it's my therapy. I do have some paid writing to do, so I should really end this now.

Here's an abbreviated timeline for our move, for any of you who want to pray for us or help us pack up here in Madison, Wisconsin, or unpack out in Linesville:

• Mon., Jan. 9^th – Pastor Wagner & friends in Madison, WI, to load 6’x12’ U-Haul trailer pulled behind Pastor’s truck.
• Tues., Jan. 10^th – Pastor Wagner to drive to Linesville and unload trailer at parsonage.
• Wed., Jan. 11^th – Pastor Wagner to leave from Erie airport and fly back to Madison.
• Sat., Jan. 14^th – Pastor Wagner and friends in Madison, WI, to load 20’ U-Haul truck.
• Sun., Jan. 15^th – After attending church in the morning in Madison, Pastor Wagner to drive U-Haul truck and Tammy to drive minivan about 5 hours toward Linesville.
• Mon., Jan. 16^th – Pastor Wagner and Tammy to drive the remainder of the way to Linesville and unload truck.
• Wed., Jan. 18^th—Pastor Wagner to attend first service in his role as pastor of CBC Linesville.
• Sun., Jan. 22^nd—Pastor Wagner’s first Sunday as pastor of CBC Linesville.

At least 2 of my boys are still travel-sized!

Josh's favorite part of moving is the extra boxes and bins to climb on!

As long as we can all remember this part, we'll be fine!

This picture was taken of our family the month of move #1 of 4.
(Yes, we're all 4 there--Josh is hiding in my tummy!)

Caleb has moved many times in his not-quite-three years of life.
Here's hoping (and praying!) that after this, we don't move again
for a long, long, long time!

Ah, the Angst!

I have to admit it--this post is actually a copy of the Christmas letter I'm sending out to some friends and family who aren't (or aren't often) Online. It's a cross between a family newsletter and a ministry-search update. Sorry I didn't take time to find Christmas-y online paper for you. Hope you can pretend!

Dear treasured friends and family,

Last year, there was no newsy post to accompany our family picture, but our family has had a quite eventful 2 years! In June of last year, Jonathan resigned from his pastoral position at Gillett Baptist Church, his first senior pastorate. We moved in with Tammy’s parents, fully expecting to move to a new ministry within a few months, preferably before Tammy’s October due date. At the culmination of a second healthy pregnancy, we welcomed Joshua Seth into our family October 5, 2010. Caleb won our hearts anew as he seemed to be instinctively drawn to love on his little brother.

When Josh was only 5 weeks old, we traipsed down to Tucson, Arizona, where Jonathan candidated as pastor of a church. Thanksgiving week, we learned that the percentage of votes was not high enough. The first week of December 2010, we moved into an apartment here in Madison. When a raise that Jonathan was led to expect in October still hadn’t come through by January 2011, God used this seeming delay to rekindle Tammy’s long-time dream of getting paid to write!

In April 2011, our sweet boy Caleb turned 2. In May, we decided to look for a residence that was closer to our church and either more spacious or more economical—and our God provided us with a place that amazingly met all three qualifications. In August, we moved for the third time in just over a year.

October 2011 was an exciting month for us. Not only did Josh celebrate his first birthday and have his grandparents visit from Pennsylvania, but Tammy met a fairly ambitious goal in her new writing career, and Jonathan finally received his raise—25% of his original salary! We also visited a church in Ohio.

In November 2011, we took a long-overdue trip to visit Jonathan’s family in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, as well as a church in northwest Pennsylvania. As I write this, we have less than a week before the two of us make our way back to that same church for him to candidate. The plan is for the church to vote on him the following Sunday—that’s right, Christmas Day!

As we hope and (seemingly insanely) plan for our fourth move in one-and-a-half years, our hearts are both heavy and full. The heaviness comes from our tiredness of moving and waiting and not being able to plan ahead, never mind fearing yet another disappointment. We trust that this angst can help us to better appreciate the faith and waiting of the Old Testament saints, who wandered in the wilderness and trusted in a promised a Messiah. Of course, their hope was far more sure than ours, and yet we still do have a certain hope: That same Promised and Expected One will someday return. With Him, the peace and joy and perfect life of which we can only dream will become real; the transitory nature of this life points to that eternal and secure hope.

Even if we do receive yet one more disappointment Christmas Day, our hearts will be full in knowing that God does reign and keep His promises and care about the details of our lives. Along with the author of Hebrews 11, I think these words from “Blessings” by Laura Story describe that tension well:

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win,

We know the pain reminds this heart that this is not our home.

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life—the rain, the storms, the hardest nights—
are [God’s] mercies in disguise?

As last Christmas, we unpacked our holiday décor along with the rest of our belongings, this year we hope to be packing everything away along with our manger scene to move someplace where we can get settled in and live and serve and raise our family. Will you pray with us to that end?

With hope eternal,

Jonathan & Tammy Wagner

This is the version of our Christmas card that I'll be handing out this weekend at what we hope will be our new church home. I created it myself, with one of the family pictures from the photo shoot shown in this video. I created both the Christmas card and video with my digital scrapbooking software.

(As a side note, I'd like to launch a side business marketing these types of products. What do you think? What would you pay for these types of services? Just testing the waters--thanks for your input and your continued prayers!)

So Much for That Idea . . .

In my last post, I mentioned trying to blog at least on a weekly basis . . . so much for that idea! I really miss blogging here regularly. Maybe someday I'll get back into the habit, or have time for this indulgence, or . . . whatever you want to call this whole blogging deal.

Most of my November, though, was spent trying to cram a month's worth of (paid) writing into 2 1/2 weeks (which I did, by the way!), and since our trip to my hubby's hometown in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, we've basically been recovering--from the trip and our colds--two of which turned into infections!

We've also been doing some Christmas-ing, of course, which for me mainly meant decorating our place in time to host a ladies' Christmas activity for our church--which is the kind of thing I really delight to do! With my two littles and our constantly up-in-the-air status (more on that later this week--and that's a promise!), I'm far less active in serving than I've typically been and than, in many ways, I'd like to be. So I wanted to spoil our faithful ladies just a bit and invite them to a bring-only-yourself event, for once.

My friend Christina made the main course, which was a delightful stromboli, as well as delicious cranberry-and-white chocolate cookies, and I basically made some other goodies--you know, the fun stuff I like to puts around and play with in all my "free time"! :) My faves are peanut butter balls, peppermint Oreo truffles, and cinnamon ornaments. (The full menu is posted below.) Maybe I'll post links to the recipe cards I plan to create for them this week--if anyone is interested . . .

Here are some long-in-coming samples (as promised in my October post!) of Josh's 1-year photo shoot--isn't he just a doll-baby?

Yes, he can now walk without holding our hands, but I just love that he couldn't for his pics, because it afforded us this sweet mommy-daddy-baby shot!

And my little Josh-a-boo is certainly built like a football player--so different from his tall, skinny big brother!

My grandma used to call this a "dickins" look--and, boy, does this kid have it down!

I'd thought I'd like these naked, more baby-ish pics more than I did. I guess the time has passed . . .

And here we are, all four of us, relishing the sweater weather back in October!

Finally, A Real Blog Post!

I know I haven't really blogged here in, like, forever. For a while, it was because I didn't want to share what was going on in life because it was hard and contained too many unknowns. Then, I was blogging on a site called Goodblogs, now practically defunct, which often paid me to blog. That was also the case with my most recent posts on here, even though the experiences and opinions I expressed were genuinely my own. While I'm not terribly fond of those sponsored posts, writing for which I do get paid is something that I need to prioritize right now, even if there are other topics and formats I prefer.

More recently, my excuses have been getting settled into our new place, becoming increasingly active in our church, and finally getting into an awesome rhythm and achieving major goals with my paid writing. (In the mean time, I did get some fun pics of the boys taken this summer. These are two of my faves.)

Lately, though, I've been remembering why I started blogging in the first place, just over a year ago: I wanted an outlet, a way to connect beyond my living room walls, and a way to remember what God has been teaching me in life and possibly help others through such times. From that, a love for the written word was re-awakened, and God used that rekindled passion, mixed with encouragement and leads from long-time friends, to get me started in the exciting and mommy-friendly world of freelance writing. But I digress.

I want to get back to writing here, at least once a week or every two weeks, in keeping with that original purpose: "I hope that learning about my current journey through my words on this blog, as I'm 'in the middle of things' that I don't like, will be the same kind of encouragement to you when you're there too."

While we're still somewhat in "temporary mode" (Jonathan is still actively searching for another pastoral position, after a year-and-a-half), we've moved to a larger (and even more affordable!) place that feels more like home, been relieved from financial "emergency mode" and have actually been the ones to end communication with potential churches ourselves, because they would not be good situations or good fits for our family and views. God has used those recent developments to help us at least feel more settled here and thankful for the church family we have.

Along with our move and subsequent signing of a full year's lease (one we can get out of, if we need to, though), we finally became members of our church. That step has enabled us to get involved in ways we weren't able to before, and I'm especially relishing the chance to teach again--something that I'd really missed. (This month, Jonathan and I are co-teaching the 5 to 7 kiddos who come to children's church.)

In the midst of all these changes (coupled with the constant transitions that come with having boys who are constantly changing and growing at mind-boggling rates!), I'm thankful for the fact that there is One who does not change. He deserves our praise, in the autumn rain, frozen darkness or smiling sunshine. This song has been a rebuke and inspiration to me, as have these verses.

We've seen the smiling hand of Providence direct in our lives by stopping short of giving us our hearts' desires, particularly in the timing we'd prefer. But I'll save the details of those graciously unanswered prayers for another post.

I hope to start posting on a weekly basis, once again. Josh is getting 1-year pics tomorrow, so you can look for a few of those to be posted, soon! I might even have to devote a full post to mommy-gushing, celebrating some of my little guys' most recent achievements and [mis]adventures!

Well, that's it for now. It feels good to be back. Thanks for reading.

Diabetes and DPN

Okay, at some point I'll stop blogging about these medical webinars . . . but not tonight! I actually found the latest one that I attended fairly fascinating. Seriously.

At the church where Jonathan used to be pastor, we joked among ourselves that there must be "something in the water": Out of a congregation of about 60 people, there were two who were missing limbs. One was a man who'd lost his arm in a farming accident (and he was an amazing woodworker, especially considering his injury!) and a "senior saint" who'd lost her leg due to complications of Diabetes. About a month after we left, we heard that she had realized one of her worst fears: She'd lost her other leg.

I have to admit that I had no idea exactly why the amputation of limbs has anything to do with Diabetes, which is pretty pathetic, considering the fact that it runs in my family, and my dad has had it for a few years, now.

In a nutshell, the following is what I learned about diabetic peripheral neuropathy, or DPN (they also called it "Silence of the Limbs"--bahaha!).

• Peripheral nuropathy--relating to the limbs--is the most common complication of Diabetes, occurring in 50-90% of patients (depending o the criteria used for diagnosis)
• Up to 70% of diabetics will lose sensation in their feet.
• Approximately 25% develop foot ulcers, which often become infected, requiring hospitalization, with a 20% chance of amputation.
• Of those who have major amputations, almost half will have the other limb amputated within 3 years, and a startling 50% of them will die within 5 years of having their first limb amputated.

Okay, suddenly the idea of tingling, numbness, or burning foot pain seemed pretty serious. I had no clue! Basically, the sensory loss and atrophy of nerve fibers is the problem, and it leads to infections simply because the patient can't feel pain from cuts or burns or whatever.

(As a side note, one huge way to decrease amputation rates is for Diabetes patients to undergo regular foot examinations at home as well as during doctor visits. I learned that the latter often takes insistence on the part of patients, which is so, so sad! In the mean time, the primary treatment option for Diabetes slows the disease's progression, the secondary option is simply pain management. Often toleration of side effects or maxing out the efficacy of pain meds leads to issues as attempts are made to mask pain, while the disease continues progressing.)

The good news is that peripheral nerve fibers have the ability to repair and regenerate with adequate blood flow. The bad news is that blood flow is often lessened in patients who have DPN. But there's more good news (or so it seems): Nutritional support in the form of a newly available medical food can aid in Nitric Oxide Synthesis, improving blood flow. Treatment over 6 months has seen to result in 97% increase in nerve fiber density, potentially decreasing amputation rates by 50%! (This "medical food" is considered "gras," or "generally recommended as safe," with risk factors similar to taking a placebo--i.e., not very high at all!)

Until there's a medical discipline that takes ownership for DPN, patients will need to be proactive in examining their feet, asking about various treatments, and insisting that their doctors examine their feet at regular visits.

Now, That's Depressing!

Okay, so I attended another medical webinar I heard about through one of my clients, this one about depression. Since again, I have a family history of clinical depression and similar "mental illness" issues, I found the topic interresting. I also have a friend who recently blogged about her battle with depression and anxiety and the increasing (decreasing?) failure of her Prozak and other meds to help her, anymore.

By the way, did I mention that my dad's a pharmacist? (When I student taught in a ghetto area of South Carolina, I told my students he was a "drug dealer in Chicago," which earned me their undying respect! lol) He and I have very different perspectives regarding the treatment of depression, and I was intersted in another--and less pointed--medical view.

The information presented was largely regarding the (eh-hem!) failure of antidepressants to actually work. Well, you probably already know the warning that the FDA requires of virtually all "antidepressant" medications: a warning of "increased risks of suicidal thinking and behavior, known as suicidality, in young adults ages 18 to 24 during initial treatment." Terribly ironic, huh? (Emphasis on the terribly.)

Add to that, the fact that success rates for initial, or level 1, antidepressant therapy are only 27.5%, and a remission rate is only at 1/3, and it's pretty clear that if you're on Prozac, Sarafem, Paxil, or any number of other such drugs, and it's not working for you . . . you are far from alone.

What's worse is that as low as successful treatment is at level 1, by the time a patient has been re-evaluated 3 times and had therapy altered accordingly, at level 4, success occurs only 7% of the time. And we won't even go into all the side effects that accompany these largely ineffective drugs!

Okay, so if you weren't depressed before you started reading this, you probably are now, right? Well, don't be.

Basically, depression is connected to an imbalance of three neurotransmitters associated with mood: serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. Most antidepressants address one or 2 of them. L-methylfolate (the only form of folate that can cross the blood-brain barrier) is needed within the patient's body in order to regulate theose neurotransmitters, but many people's bodies fail to metabolize the L-methylfolate they need.

Factors in lessening the amount of L-methylfolate available in a person's body can be caused by a wide range of factors, from lifestyle choices to genetics and age. In fact, 7 out of 10 depressed people's genetic makeup predisposes their bodies to an inability to use dietary folate to become L-methylfolate, which can be used by the brain in order to regulate their moods.

An illustration given was that SSRIs (or Antidepressants) basically "plug the drain," rather than making more of the monoamines, which would be like turning on the shower. Until 2000, manufacturing T-Methylfolate was not possible. Now, the makers of Deplin are pretty excited that their drug has led to the ultimate in breakthrough technology--the coinage of a new word! The synthesis of monoamines is known as a trimonoamine modulator (TMM).

Deplin is currently recommended for use as a complement to other antidepressants and is in trials to be able to be prescribed on its own.

During the webinar, I asked if there were updated percentages available to counter those I mentioned earlier in this post, but the improved success rates have not yet been surveyed in a comparable manner.

If anything, this webinar has made the following facts clearer to me than ever:

• Psychiatry and the pharmaceutical world do not have this issue down to a science.
• The drugs often prescribed for depression have negligible
• The so-called "chemical imbalances" are still difficult for the medical community to delineate, and that's at least in part because measuring them is something that simply cannot be done.

As far as my personal opinion on all of this, I tend to agree withthis blogger, who gives a lot of facts and figures before coming to this conclusion: "The pharmaceutical industry and psychiatry would have us believe that an antidepressant is a pill for all seasons. Conversely, critics of psychiatry contend we would be better off on a sugar pill (at least there's no side effects). But there is a time and a place, even for an antidepressant. The catch is we're tripping over furniture in the dark with no watch."

Even more so, I also agree with Jay Adams, a champion of the biblically based Nouthetic Counseling movement. I've read his book Competent to Counsel and just recently stumbled on his blog. One post seems especially apropos regarding the untrue allegations that those who subscribe to a nouthetic counseling model reject any use of medication. However, if "depression" clearly comes as a result of circumstancial--rather than physical--prompting, is it really a medical issue? Or is it an issue of the heart? Certainly, our beliefs are betrayed by our internal reactions (or, as Scripture puts it, "the meditations of our hearts") which, in turn, affect our moods. (Remember this post about bitterness? It's s definite mood-altering frame of mind!)

I think it's absolutely bizarre that people treat depression medically when they can point to the following issues as the genesis of their dives:

• Relationship tension
• Deaths of loved ones
• Job loss or stress
• Financial troubles

I am not trying to be unsympathetic, here. Those things can be immensely hard. For the Christian, though, that's when real hope and faith matter, when it really steps up to the plate.

I love these words that describe my new favorite music album, or at least the one with my fave song, which you can listen to via this YouTube video: "Scripture assures us that God is sovereignly using our difficulties as tools to make us more like his Son . . . (Ro 5:3–5) . . . While we know these things are true, in the midst of our hardships we can lose perspective. Problems can loom large, and our hopes can grow dim."

I know the numbness that comes with some antidepressants; I was on one of them for a while, years ago. I didn't feel the "lows," but then, I barely felt anything at all. I wasn't in control, and I knew it. I also knew that the Holy Spirit could help me deal with the thoughts and feelings I was having. Yes, they did escalate during times of lost sleep, hormonal tides, and other physical prompts. However, it's the internal struggle where I start to lose control, and for that, I pray, with David in Psalm 19:14, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer."

Another related thought comes from 1 Peter 3:15, which encourages believers to be able to answer "everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence," and if we have no more hope than they do, will they even ask?

When hard times and negative thoughts come, I can choose not to listen to them and instead to counsel myself with Scripture, with Truth. Maybe there aren't documented "success rates" with that, either, but it's definitely better than a placebo!

"Am I Losing My Mind?"

I've often wondered what kind of abilities I'd miss most and least, as if someday I might have to choose. Personally, I think losing my eyesight would be worse than my mobility. I had a friend who lost his abilities to smell or taste, though, and that would take a bit of joy out of one's life (even if it would help shed unwanted pounds).

However, I just can't imagine not being able to see my computer screen, for one thing, but what's more, I'd miss seeing the dimples on my little boys' faces as they smile, the variegated shades of green across a wooded hillside, or the ripples in the water as the raindrops hit the surface. Then, there's the fear that surely would come when you can hear something or feel it, but you don't know what it really is, because you cannot see it. I feel shakey even considering the horror. No, I can't imagine losing my ability to see. But one thing would be worse, still: I'd hate to lose my ability to think, reason, and contemplate.

"Am I losing my mind?" That question is one that haunts me, to this day. It was asked by my paternal grandma of my mom, who was pretty much her bestest friend. My grandma had dementia. It was in the early stages, and she vacillated between lucidity and what used to be called senility. She was, literally, losing her mind. My mom insightfully commented that she thinks the worst torture one could experience on this earth would be to have enough of your faculties to know that you are losing them. And I have to agree.

According to some studies, my mom and I are far from being alone in our estimation of that horror: the diagnosis of Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia is cited as being the #1 fear for older people, as well as their physicians. Why? Thinking abilities significantly impact a person's quality of life. What's more, Alzheimer's is the 7th leading cause of death among the elderly.

It was hard watching Grandma "lose her mind," hearing about her imagined son who had come back, or her mom--long-since deceased--who'd come to visit, or later yet, forgetting not only to put on her lipstick (she was always so prim!) but to cover herself properly and put in her teeth before friends entered her room.

The process of the fading of her memory was gradual, like that of an old picture as it becomes less crisp and clear and yet still clearly represents something (or someone) that once was. A person's outward beauty is like that too. But inward degeneration of a person is far more devastating.

My Classy Grammy, age 18, circa 1934

Gram, me and my younger sister Judy, circa 1981

Gram & me at my 8th grade graduation, 1992

Gram & me, the day of my high school graduation, 1996

The second and third pictures show the ways my grandma looks in my mind's eye. (My mom finally talked her into stopping with the hair dye! lol) She was active, happy, fun. She cleaned circles around anyone, despite having a bad back. She was also always "hefty" in my memory. The last picture is only a few years after the third, and yet it shows her vastly different. The regression had begun. She was living in a nursing home and losing weight. I couldn't bear to look at pictures of her past that point, even if I had them (which I don't). The funny thing is that in the third pic that I posted, I'm the age that she was in the first.

I encountered a variety of emotions looking through pictures of Gram today to post some. I smiled at happy memories and fought back tears of sadness, missing Gram. But I also grew afraid.

Even now that she's gone, my grandma's story haunts us all: Dementia, as many know, holds increased risks for those with family histories of it. The infamous Alzheimer's disease is a sub-set of dementia, and both affect not just a person's memory, but all cognitive (or mental) processes, as well. That's why Grandma didn't just forget she'd left the iron on, but she'd put it in her bed. (Yikes!)

Add to the difficulties inherent in knowing a loved one is losing cognitive abilities, the fact that Alzheimer's, like all forms of dementia, is irreversible, and the meds that can be prescribed come with heavy side-effects, and many of us notice people "slipping" but don't want to say anything. Even medical professionals sometimes fear bringing up the "A" word ("Alzheimer's") to their patients. (Of course, it's not the official "diagnosis" that really should be feared, but evidently, that's beside the point for many people.)

Another sub-set of dementia has recently been recognized, though, and it's called MCI. "MCI" stands for "Mild Cognitive Impairment," and I attended a free webinar about it last week. I learned that this intermediate condition can be treated by a new drug called Cerefolin NAC. As a medical food, this drug has proven to have no notable side effects, compared to placebos. Yet, it actually decreases brain atrophy by over 50%. The basic ingredients are active B12 and folate (the purist form of folic acid) that can cross the blood-brain barrier.

So if you have a loved one that you can see "slipping," don't be afraid to broach the subject; there may now be hope for reversing the process that can lead to full-blown dementia or Alzheimer's.

Another application of this knowledge is to eat your greens! We Americans typically don't get nearly enough folic acid in our diets; it's found in green leafy veggies, such as spinach and kale (I don't think I've ever eaten kale, have you?). Once we reach our 50s or 60s, we can't "cram" enough in to make up for a lifetime of starving our brain of needed food, but if we start early, maybe we can keep our minds sharp for a little longer.

A Heart-Mirror of a Book!

Well, you may have noticed that I haven't been posting on here much, at all, lately. I have been posting other places, like my mommy blog and GoodBlogs. I can hide behind the excuse that I've been busy (which I have) and that we've been having internet connectivity issues (3 techs out here, in as many weeks!) as well as that I write on those other sites for career purposes, networking, and the potential for pay (and that is true, too). But the fuller truth is that I've been purposely avoiding this blog.

Why? Well, I read this statement this week, and it reflected my heart all too well: "If you're resisting the call of God . . . your life will be set adrift on a sea of shifting emotions and unruly ways of thinking. You are inviting depression and anger. You are tempting bitterness and confusion. You are fueling a mind-set that will stay in constant disarray, with no referenc epoint to provide any kind of stability for your life." (That quote is from chapter 2 of "Voices of the True Woman Movement" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.)


In all the uncertainty and conflicted priorities and tough decisions that has been our lives, for this past year, I've lost my focus, and, like Peter, I've been sinking. And in this kind of water, I can't swim. Here's another excerpt from the same heart-mirror of a chapter: "Perhaps you've been there--perhaps you are there--down where life drags the floor of all human abilities, where everything feels hopeless and pointless and impossible to handle." Um, yeah. That's me. Was me. Will be me every time I take my eyes off where they should be.

The other day, I actually found myself asking Jonathan if he had a "contingency plan" regarding something we were hoping would work out and then adding, "If you don't, can you just pretend to?" He won't play my game, and he shouldn't. I shouldn't need a game. There is Someone who knows and has a plan. So why isn't that enough for me? I feel like I need to see how it makes sense, or at least the Person Who's in Charge. But I can't. Yet I must look to Him.

Yes, that craving for seeing what He doesn't let us see is mentioned in that chapter, too (in part, quoted from John Piper): "In every situation and circumstance of your life, God is always doing a thousand different things that you cannot see and you do not know. . . . the vast majority of His work is behind the scenes, providentially obscured from our view."

Those "providentially obscured" workings require faith to see. Faith, by nature, is about what can't be seen. Nancy continues to address them:

"God's ways for you--just as His ways for [Sarah, Ruth, Hannah, and Mary, in the Bible]--will not alwyas make sense to your human reasoning. . . . It may seem that His plan is not working; you can't imagine how the outcome could be anything but bleak. But you can be assured that God doesn't make mistakes.

"You don't have to know what He's doing. Or why.
"The fact is, He knows. And that's all that really matters.
"And if you trust Him, in time, you will thank Him for the treasures that have resulted from those trials."

Oh, I want the treasures, but not the trials. In the same way, I want a clean house, a fit body, and a stellar writing portfolio without the discipline and sweaty work required to achieve them.

The chapter was based on Romans 11:33-36, and I learned that the Greek word that's translated "depth" in verse 1 connects to the idea of a bath. You know how that warm, soothing water surrounds your body, making it buoyant and refreshed. Oh, the depth of the treasures of God's wisdom! If I bathe my heart and mind in His wisdom that He shares with us, I think I'll be more likely not to sink. 

Even when I can't see how His ways in my life are wise, I need to constantly bathe myself in the Truth so I'm reminded that they are. Will you help remind me of that, from time to time? I need that kind of friendship in my life.