I'm due to have my second son 9 days from today. Any day now, really. Tomorrow would be good. As you can imagine, I feel and look every bit of my "expectant" status. Anytime I feel the slightest bit of a muscular cramping in my abdominal area, I wonder,"Is this it?" And it very well could be. That idea of "expecting" is very real to me right now.
Expecting is different from waiting. I feel like I waited for a while (longer than a lot of girls I know, anyway) to get married . . . at age 28. And to be a mommy . . . at age 31. In fact, I feel like I was even "waiting" to become a mommy well before I met the man I married. I "hoped" someday that would be the case. However, that "waiting" was not the same as "expecting" it to happen. My convictions about sexual purity made it impossible for me to anticipate or "expect" to become a mommy without having a husband. I hoped I would someday marry, but I did not know I would; I cannot say I truly "expected" to. And even once I was married, I did not know if my body would be able to provide me with biological children or, if it didn't, whether we would be able to adopt. I was waiting, not expecting.
I think you get the picture--our idea of "hoping" and "waiting" is very different than that of "expecting." But when we read our Bibles and think about God, we need to realize that the biblical words "hope" and "wait" really have a connotation more like the word "expect." Considering that, we can look at the Scriptural commands to "wait on the Lord" and the Psalmists' and others' ideas of their "hope in the Lord" differently than maybe we have before.
As I "wait" on the Lord's guidance (which He promises!) I'm not doing it like I "waited" and "hoped" to become a mom when I was 20. It's more like I'm "expecting" my baby now--any day, and I KNOW it's going to happen. "Haven't left one in there yet!" my OB/GYN assured me!
Isn't it the same God who created this world and our bodies and the dependable seasons and day/night cycles that promises guidance, provision, et. al.? I need to remind myself of this, as it seems more imminent that I deliver our second son than that God delivers on His promises to guide us to a more stable and permanent (I realize those things are relative as long as we're here on earth!) situation where Jonathan can fulfill his life's calling.
Jonathan has had two "conversations" with churches in the past 3 weeks, but he has not heard anything after either. Since Jonathan determined the necessity to resign from his former position in April, I have prayed (and asked others to pray) fervently that we'd be at more of a place to "expect" Him to lead us to a new ministry by the time of our baby's birth. I think my understanding and commitment to believing the Truth of the words of Scripture--and their meanings--will help determine my ability to resist panic and feel true peace and joy in this time of continued unknowns.
So this was kind of a "pep talk" to myself, but maybe some of the rest of you can benefit as well. Thanks for "listening" to me as I "talk to myself" about this. :)